


we’re all dead before we hit the ground. people just never notice.

by Anonymous



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Grand Theft Auto Setting, I’m okay., M/M, Short Vent., TW:Briefly Described Suicide, This is most definitely projection and a vent., Writing helps., tw:mentions of suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-24
Updated: 2020-07-24
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:01:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25476556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: This is really just a projection type vent. Ryan’s worst nightmares comes to fruition.
Relationships: Gavin Free/Ryan Haywood
Kudos: 13
Collections: Anonymous





	we’re all dead before we hit the ground. people just never notice.

**Author's Note:**

> Before you continue— I want you to know that suicide is never the option. I know everyone always fucking says that, but it’s not. Committing suicide says fuck you to everything you’ve ever accomplished and I promise you will be missed. I can’t promise you that everything will be okay or even that you will be okay, but, please don’t kill yourself. Please. There is so much to live for even if we don’t see it.

Gavin's upset, which— Ryan can understand, but it doesn't make it hurt any less, doesn't make Ryan's chest feel any looser.

"Gav... calm—"

"Don't bloody tell me to calm down, Haywood! You killed him! You just— You..!" Gavin cuts him off.

He's pacing back and forth across the living room, hands tearing at his hair, this look in his pretty green eyes that Ryan's never seen before, so foreign that it significantly unsettles Ryan. He wants his Gavin back.

"He was going to hurt us. He was going to hurt you!" Ryan softly exclaims, putting emphasis on you.

"I don't bloody fucking care, Ryan!"

Gavin stops, swinging to face Ryan, eyes wide and angry. He stalks forward and Ryan finds himself cringing backwards. Cold emenates from every pore of the green eyed man, who's eyes are rife with tears.

Ryan finds that he too is crying, "Gav— I—I had to. You're not listening to me.."

"I can hear you bloody well fine! I said I don't fucking care!" Gavin throws his hands up at Ryan.

Tears stream from Ryan's eyes, smearing the face paint he wears and soaking the neck of his black t-shirt. He's shaking, hands clenched into tight balls at his sides. New blood joins the flaky dried stuff beneath his nails. He needs Gavin and Gavin doesn't understand that, doesn't understand why he would kill— why he would kill Michael.

Gavin's chest is heaving. He's angry, so angry with Ryan and Ryan can feel all of it, every bit of the simmering nitrogen rolling from the man in front of him. It makes him lean into his defense mechanism. He squares his shoulders and puts on a stoic face. If Gavin won't listen, he's not going to speak.

"You killed him. You killed Michaell!" The brit jabs a finger into Ryan's chest and follows it up with a hard shove.

Ryan reflexively catches Gavin by his wrists when he goes to shove him again. Gavin holds his gaze, tears still trickling down Ryan's face. 

"Fuck you, you bloody emotionless bastard."

Ryan doesn't react even as Gavin tries to pull his wrists from Ryan's grip. 

"Let go of me, Haywood!"

Ryan says nothing.

"Bloody let go of me!!"

Ryan does and Gavin recoils. There's blood, Ryan's blood, on Gavin's wrists. Gavin examines his wrists and the red that stains his pale skin, wonders where it's come from, sees the blood beneath Ryan's finger nails. His eyes flick back up to Ryan's pale blue ones.

"You know, I thought I could fix you.. I thought— I thought I could piece your bloody broken head back together, but.."

Gavin pauses, disdain and disgust flashing across his face, overflowing in those lovely green eyes Ryan loves so much.

"You're beyond fixing, Haywood."

And then Gavin storms out, slams the door to his and Ryan's shared apartment. His words bounce around in Ryan's head— Ryan who doesn't move for a good ten minutes before his shoulders jerk with a silent sob, before he falls to his knees, silently shattering on the inside. He hates himself for crying, hates himself for not going after Gavin, hates himself for thinking about going after Gavin.

Ryan can't tell you when he gets up and leaves. It's all a blur. He knows he doesn't bring his gun, just his knife. He knows that he ends up on the roof of his apartment building. But Ryan can't tell you how long he stays on the ground, sobbing. Ryan can't tell you whether he takes the elevator or the stairs.

So he sits, his legs dangling off the building's edge. His knife moves from one hand to the other in smooth archs through the air. His eyes mindlessly follow it's motions. The wind on his face is a welcomed pain and when it starts raining, Ryan's lips twitch into a wry smile. 

So he sits, tears still sliding down his face, mingling with the drops of rain that have plastered his hair to his head. His jacket is soaked, his jeans, his shirt. It's cold, but Ryan can't feel it anymore. He's numb to the world.

So he sits, the city buzzing below him with the sounds of night life. Sirens, gunshots, and music. It's all so quiet compared to Gavin's words.

Beyond fixing.

Broken.

They're fitting, Ryan thinks. They fit him..

Ryan feels like an old puzzle you pull out of a closet and try to fix, only to realize that somewhere along the way some of the pieces had been lost. He feels broken. He feels beyond fixing. 

So Ryan strips off his jacket, places it over the sopping note he wrote, his knife inside the jacket pocket. It's so easy to fall when you're missing pieces of your very soul. 

The city keeps moving.. but Ryan doesn’t.

**Author's Note:**

> I love you all— every single one of you. You’re all wonderful. Please, stay alive.


End file.
